Friday, June 18, 2010

The "A" list

My name starts with "A" and, because I'm a consultant, *hundreds* of people have it programmed into their mobile phones.  And what that means is that I'm at the very top of everyone's list for BUTT-DIALING. 

  •  I've had people call me from their international vacations, and all I can hear is the surf in the background.
  • I've picked up the phone in the middle of clients' confidential internal management conferences when they were actually discussing (gulp) me!!! (and mostly I heard good things!!)
  • I've had people call me during sex, probably when their pants hit the floor while their phones were still in their pockets.  Thump - OOPS!- there goes that speed dial!!!
  • Here's a really common one: restaurants.  Men often keep their wallets in the same pocket as their phone.  Reach for the wallet, bump the phone, and it calls me.  One time recently, I recited a client's entire lunch order back to him the next time he called me for real.  He was just a little freaked out. 
  • A couple of weeks ago, it was a teacher in a classroom giving her young charges a stern lecture about the dangers of bringing peanut butter into a  classroom that includes a kid with allergies.  She probably reached into her purse for an sterilizing cloth or something, and bumped her phone, which then saw fit to dial me so that I could overhear the whole peanut butter crisis blow by blow (or wipe by wipe).
  • Just now, 11 o'clock on a Friday night, I was SURE I was going to pick up the call and hear a frantic client telling me that he'd had a spill at his manufacturing plant, because he was calling from the middle of nowhere (otherwise known as central Louisiana).  What did I hear instead?  Coon ass rock 'n' roll.  I didn't recognize the group, but they weren't bad! 

 I don't know what to do about this regular onslaught of fly-on-your-wall experiences, but I suppose I'll keep thinking about it.   Meanwhile, I invite you to enjoy the original butt-dialing classic - the T-Mobile BBerry Pearl commercial:

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